The Reality of Aging Parents: Navigating Life in the Sandwich Generation
For those of us who are blessed to have a parent or parents in our lives, watching them age can feel like active grief. Mentally, they may still feel like the same person capable of everything they used to do. Physically, however, their abilities may be changing.
This creates a complex dynamic: the difficulty for parents in facing these changes… the frustration of stepping in to parent your own parent(s)… and the sadness of recognizing this shift as their child.
From the child’s perspective, let’s unpack these layered emotions together.
Many of us find ourselves sandwiched between caring for parents and raising children, working full-time, or managing other responsibilities. It’s a lot to carry. Even when you take it on willingly, it can still feel overwhelming like you’re being pulled in many directions and your own needs are getting lost in the process.
There’s also a unique sadness in witnessing the aging process. A sense of helplessness often comes with it, since we can’t fully stop or prevent the decline. Whether it’s a change in physical strength or mental sharpness, watching a loved one shift from the version of them we’ve always known to a new reality can be deeply painful something few of us are truly prepared for.
Then there’s the frustration when a parent won’t listen. In their mind, you are still their child and they will always be the parent. That’s true, of course, but it can create tension when your guidance or support is dismissed. From your perspective, you’re now an adult capable, experienced, and insightful. But for them, hearing your advice might feel like a threat to their independence or a reminder that they’re not in control the way they once were. It’s hard when the mind believes something is still doable, but the body disagrees.
Even if you watched your parents care for your grandparents, this stage can still sneak up on you. It can be a tough pill to swallow, and the moment of realizing, “This is happening now,” can catch you off guard. The phrase “No one warned me about this” is often said in these moments.
Wherever you are in this process, here are a few things to keep in mind:
Approach and tone matter. Your parent is still an adult and deserves to be treated with love and respect.
Agency and autonomy are important. Even if you see a better or easier way to do something, your parent should be the one making the decision unless they’re no longer able to do so, which is a different conversation altogether.
Conversations may need to happen more than once. As humans, we often need time to process new ideas. Be patient and give grace while your parent adjusts to new realities.
Acknowledge your own emotions. Naming your feelings and inviting your parent to do the same can open space for honest dialogue about how to move forward.
Finally, if you’re reading this as the parent, this might be a helpful starting point for a deeper, more meaningful conversation with your child. A willingness to approach hard but necessary conversations about your well-being and care builds connection and can have a lasting, positive impact on your family’s future.
About the Author
Erin Cook is a certified career development facilitator, resume writer, and Myers-Briggs practitioner who collaborates with Halos Counseling to provide thoughtful blogs and course content. With a strong background in higher education and career counseling, Erin is passionate about helping individuals recognize their strengths and pursue growth with confidence. Through her work, she supports clients in navigating life transitions, exploring meaningful careers, and finding purpose in both personal and professional development.